Monday, October 14, 2013

This Relationship Is Under Renovation

For as long as I can remember, there was Tova and there was me. 

We were the Bobsey Twins. She was my wing-man. She was the Wilson to my Tom Hanks. She was the only person in my life who meant anything at all.

 Our relationship was forged in fire.  The fire only survivors who have gone through Hell, and returned, can ever truly understand.  We were bonded by pain and suffering and need.

When my life changed, that need changed as well.  I started to view my relationship with Tova as having certain unhealthy components for me.  I was changing.  My relationship needs were changing too.

We had a huge fight, followed by a prolonged period of absolute silence.  She got married. I wasn't invited to the wedding.

As I have previously written, I have always assumed my relationship with Tova was over.  We had drifted too far apart to ever require the same level of connection we once experienced every day. 

Feast or famine.

Several months ago I ended up chatting with her while I was away on business for a few days.  It was pleasant and empty.  All the jokes and insults felt recycled.  All the topics were drab. It was as though all of the color had leaked out of the Portrait of Us.

And since then we have been talking in drips and drabs - in G-chats and emails and some phone conversations.

And the truth is, I have noticed that at least a bit of color has dripped back in.  We still struggle to connect as we once did, but that might be a by-product of the change in both of our circumstances.  I'm married.  She's married.  I'm working.  She's back in school. 

Everything that made us...US is no longer.

But maybe, just maybe, the pendulum is swinging back the other way.  Maybe, while we can never be where we were, we can be in a different place than we are.  Truthfully I don't know where this path with Tova is going to lead.  It is beyond my powers of sight.  But we both seem interested in giving it that old college try.

So for now the road crews are out. The lights are on.  Double pay is in effect.  And the signs are out:  "This Relationship Is Under Renovation". 

Let's hope the crews can do a good job.


  1. Glad to hear you are working on things. It's hard to lose a good friend.