Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Oh For Blog's Sake, Just Blogging Blog

Had a very interesting conversation with a fellow blogger recently on blogging.  Or, more specifically, the why of blogging.

People blog for a variety of different reasons ranging from egotistical (though, arguably that's what Facebook is for) to a misguided belief that they are interesting (though, arguably, that's what Facebook is for), to therapeutic (yours truly!!), to making art (for those really gifted writers anyway - oh how I hate them), to making political/other STATEMENTS (!), to giving over wise (and sometimes less wise) words and ideas and on and on and on.

Truth be told, whatever the reason you blog, you have the right to say whatever you want.  Tis still a free country and all that.  But that doesn't mean you should blog

Because I'm nice like that, I just thought I'd drop some do's and don'ts to help people avoid blogging misadventures (complete with footnotes, below.  Yes, footnotes!!  I'm excited.)

 - If you feel the need to post a recipe, make sure it doesn't suck

This one's pretty self explanatory.  But Lord God, if I spend an hour putting together your crappy food, I'm going to be mad pissed at you after.

 - If you have to tell us every detail of your day, for crissakes embellish!

I hate to break it to you, but your life is boring.  all of our lives are boring.  We are regular folk living regular lives - devoid of action, adventure and intrigue.   So if you feel you have to tell us every little detail of your life, please, please please feel free to make shit up.  Which sounds better - "I took the bus again to work today." or "I sat next to this freaking hottie on the bus this morning and he so chatted me up the whole ride.  As I was getting off he begged me for my number but since it's Elul, I didn't give it to him."? 

A or B ladies?  Exactly. (1)

 -  If you have a serious problem, don't blog about it expecting good advice.  Everyone here is more fucked up than you are.

Again, relatively self explanatory.  But seriously, asking anonymous people for advice on your very real world problems? No way man.

 - If you have a humorous, sad, enlightening exciting story to share - DO IT.

Now you are getting it peeps.  This is what we want.  We want to know about the wonderful thing that happened which caused you to really re-think life.  Or the way you helped that old man.  Or how some random stranger helped you.  This is what it's about.  Entertain us!

 - Don't talk down to us.  We might be freaks and geeks, but we are all smarter than you think. (2)

Another pretty straight forward rule.  We are aware how smart you think you are.

Except you aren't.

So there. (3)

 - If you are giving us fashion advice, then you better be a freaking fashionista.

Because if I get laughed at on the street because I believed you when you said baggy jeans were back, I will find you, no matter how anonymous you are, and it will go badly for you. (4)

 - If you are writing a blog about geeky nerd shit - then call it my blog of nerd shit that no one cares about.

Seriously, give us a warning so we aren't forced to read your10,000 word treatise breaking down a fight between Superman and Batman. (5)

 - On the other hand please post every one of your bad date stories.

Bad date stories rock.  Readers cannot get enough of them.  Just a straight out fact of life.  They are always funny and/or horrifying.  And I mean that in a good way.

 - If you are sharing thoughts on the Torah - please explain all terms you use thoroughly.

We may be smart, but we are also uneducated in certain areas.

 - Be raw, honest and heartfelt.

Yes, yes and YES!  This is what blogging is supposed to be about.  You.  Honest and raw.  That's what makes you interesting.  Not stories of climbing Everest with nothing but three quarts of motor oil and some gauze pads.  But your emotion.  Your thoughts.  Your true self.  Let it out.  Your anonymous. 

We don't know who you are, but we still want to know you.

 - If you re-read your post, and it seems to be incoherent and slightly "off", perhaps the proper button to press is "delete" not "publish".


 - If you write about personal stuff, and you give out a contact email, don't get all pissed off when people contact you afterwards.

Blogging 101 peeps.  People may actually connect with you.  It doesn't make them pervs or jerks.  Deal with it.

 - Finally - If you have something to say, say it clean.

Don't beat around the bush.  Tell us what you really think.  But for fuck's sake, proof read it for spelling, grammar, punctuation etc.  Your crap is bad enough without all the errors in it.

(1)  In no way, shape or form do I endorse you lying on the blog.  But making the story more interesting can't hurt.  Right?
(2)  Except the dumb ones.
(3)  Yes, that is my tongue sticking out at you.
(4)  No, really, I will burn your house to the freaking ground, bitch.
(5)  Yes FrumGeek, I'm talking about you.  But totally lovingly, of course :)  And we appreciate your honesty of title.
(6)  Yes, believe it or not, every single person is judging you.  And when you write whacked out shit it's going to make us mark off another check in the Crazy box.


  1. So...the way I see it...if a blog bores me, I won't read it. But something that bores me doesn't necessarily bore everyone. (Like long TV reviews, for example :).) So go ahead and keep blogging, all of you! And thanks for the pointers, Cym, but if all of us who are guilty of the stuff you listed would stop blogging, there would be very few blogs left.

  2. I used to put a warning before my geekier posts. Not I just assume you can tell from the title of it. If its called "What Superman Means To Me" or "My Favorite Comics", yeah its gonna be geeky. And I really don't care if you care about it or not. They're my least read posts, I know that (except my Magneto post lately for some reason). But I'm not writing it for you, I'm writing it for me. I ENJOY writing them. That's why I write. Because I like to. I'm not trying to be popular.

  3. I guess I should have added a disclaimer on top of this post:

    "warning - this is all written tongue in cheek."

    My bad