Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Finding Zen

When you work with your family, Husband included, it's difficult to take a mental health day by calling in sick.  After all everyone knows you are lying. 

So yesterday, I went with "I need a mental health day".  Worked like a charm.

After all, the last two months have been a scramble of late nights, high pressure, big deals and, hopefully, success.  So everyone is really coming down off a pressure high at work anyway.  It's as though everyone is moving at half speed.  Yea, we'll get to that next week (or month).  No hurries, man.

After the wink, wink, cough cough call, I called an old friend, recently married, who lives in my old "'hood".  I asked her if she was interested in a beach day (she's a member at a beach club not far from where I used to live).  We used to do that a bunch when we were taking summer classes together (which is how two very different people became friendly to begin with).  Lucky me, she had free time and a current club membership.  Good times. 

So we got our tubs of ice coffee and headed for the beach.  2 chairs, an umbrella, a beach towel and some Floyd later, all was looking fine.  The water was gross looking (a ton of seaweed had washed up on shore, covering the first 20 or thirty feet of water and shoreline in green) but the view was still beach-y, the sand was white and the sound of seagulls was in my ears.  I closed my eyes, waiting for Zen.

And then, it happened.

They started showing up.  First in drips and drabs.  Then in droves.  Jewish women.  In all states of dress and undress.  Yakking loudly about shit and nonsense.  My lord there were even two Shadchanim ladies, comparing notes, in full bullhorn voices!  I promise I am not making that up.  Mentioning names and talking about people right there, surrounded by 200 gossiping Jewish ladies.  unreal.

Reality ensues.  Zen is gone.

And so I spent a half-heartedly good beach day with my friend, who other young married ladies kept coming over to and yakking with, getting some nice rays, sipping good coffee and trying to drown out the droning of Yentas all around.  By 2:00 it had gotten bad enough that I considered going to say hello to my mother.  But, like nausea, the feeling passed.

It's always nice to get away.  And this isn't an anti-Jewish rant.  It's just that Jewish women have no idea how to relax.  Getting your nails done three times a week and eating lunch with your friends while repeating the same gossip isn't relaxing

Girls, try something different.  Try shutting your mouths and opening your eyes.  Try looking out at the water and imagine what's going on underneath it.  Watch the sea birds taking flight over the open water.  Try finding your own Zen.

And, at a minimum, keep the volume down so I can find mine!


  1. Listening to yentas at the beach - like listening to Gilbert Godfried read 50 shades of grey

    1. That was quite possibly, one of the best things I've ever watched.

      Thank you.