Friday, May 31, 2013

The Femme-Nazi

She blows in, unannounced, like a sudden squall on an otherwise quiet sea.

She is the black sheep of the family.  She is the left wing, femmenista, man-hating overly opinionated and annoying eldest of the brood.  She keeps her hair short because "it takes too much time otherwise" and seems to own nothing other than jeans, t-shirts and the power suits she wears at her VERY IMPORTANT ATTORNEY JOB.  Every dinner meal requires wine. 

In some ways she seems more like a caricature than a real person.

She is the black sheep of the family.  There is never a meal, or family together time, that isn't suddenly interrupted by one of her lectures on the greatness of our president, the follow of conservatives, the importance of LOOSE MONETARY POLICY.  Blah...



She is so unlike the others in thought and action, that I've asked David if she was, perhaps, adopted.  It's always good for a laugh. 

And there she was, giving me the stink eye, and explaining to me is simple words (after all to her I am nothing more than the unwashed masses) why I'm wrong. 

Wrong about this.

Wrong about that.

It seems to induce clinical eye-rolling.

The family black sheep.

Her antics at Casa De La David's Family are pretty infamous.  There was the time she yelled at David's then girlfriend and called her a whore at a family BBQ. (Coincidentally the girl was a virgin.  Also coincidentally, she broke up with David rigth after [secret WOOT].  I wonder what she'd say if she knew MY past.)  And the times she yelled at her father disrespectfully.  Or the time she threw water in her other brother's face and stormed out of the house when he asked her if she was a closet lesbian (sadly that happened before my time.  I would have really enjoyed seeing that).

I am also pretty sure that the amount of eye-rolling that occurs when she's around (blessedly not often - she's "so busy with work" that she doesn't come round too much) would set some wort of world record. 

She's so different than her other siblings. So serious and rigid while David, his younger brother and sister are so easy going and fun. 

Which begs the question

What is she rebelling against, the girl who was given everything?  Love, material possession, an education. Acceptance even though everyone disagrees with every word out of her mouth.  Why does she feel to be the opposite of everyone else in her family? What does she feel she was missing out on that she has to now make everyone pay for?

I wonder if she really is gay.  There never seem to be any serious guys in her life.  She never really talks about friends at all.  Perhaps she is asexual.  Perhaps her career really is the single most important thing in her life.  I told David I can envision her having a baby using a sperm donor and raising it herself - lecturing the poor thing for the few hours she can pull herself out of the office for.  Perhaps her poor manners and attitude are borne from her protection of this secret.  Eh, I'm no shrink, what do I know?

But for the fact that I'm married her brother, I'd have wished to be her. Not like her mind you.  Just her.  The eldest daughter of a strong family unit. Of loving, open minded parents. Of wealth. Of love. Love with no strings attached.  Love that produced three wonderful children.  Really good decent people. 

And her.

What a dope I think she is. 

She's so fucking annoying.  She's the butt of 75% of family jokes and burns, which is a huge amount of jokes in this family of jokesters.  Even mom gets in on the action (though quite honestly she can't really tell a joke - but at least she tries!).

I wonder what my in-laws say about her when they are alone and having their private conversations.  I wonder if they secretly hate her.  Or if their faces flare up with the heat of...shame? anger? 

But truth be told, I don't wonder on it too much.  I have a monster for an older sister as well.  A different kind of monster - vapid, into herself, more of a quiet assassin (like her mother).  And my younger sister is kinda off.  So who am I to talk?

So we just deal with it, like the sailors deal with that sudden squall. 

And the thing about squalls is they pass.

Until the next blow up.


  1. Something doesn't add up. Don't Obama supporters LIKE whores? (Freedom of women's bodies and all that.) Or was she insulting the girl BECAUSE she was a virgin? (For a liberal, that seems makes more sense.)

  2. And she's a conversation piece. Isn't that worth something?

  3. >I wonder what my in-laws say about her when they are alone and having their private conversations. I wonder if they secretly hate her.

    You think that her parents hate her because she is an annoying, ill-mannered know-it all who is different from the rest of the family? It takes a lot to hate your own child for most people. Until you have your own kids it's almost impossible to explain. I am dealing with my oldest who is going into HS, and he is completely the opposite of everything I am. I am guessing his goals and accomplishments in life will be diametrically opposed to everything that I value. And we will probably never understand each other. But what does that have to do with loving your kid?

  4. E - You are correct - I know you can hate a mother but i guess tha doesn't mean the opposite is necessarily true. i speak from ignorance (often).

  5. I guess also part of what I am trying to get across is that everybody is their own person even if they are raised the same way by their parents. There's not necessarily a reason why someone is the way they are (or at least it's not one thing you can identify). I can see it among my own kids, even though we try to raise everyone the same way. You are probably "different" from the rest of your siblings even though your parents probably tried to raise all of you with the same approach, and the same set of morals and values and outlook.

    PS It's ok to rant on your own blog. I am just a guest here...

  6. But by ranting in a public forum, I open myself up to criticism. And for ther ecord, you are not the only person who reacted strongly to this post. Others did it via email.

    I can take it :)

  7. I agree with e-k. This is their kid. They might not agree with her. They might not like the direction her life is taking or the decisions she makes. But that has nothing to do with loving her. It's their child.

  8. To all:

    I guess the issue we are having here is one of background. I am from a background where a parent can hate a child. In your world, parents love their children no matter what. And that's great - it really is. I plan to love my children no matter what. But it CAN happen other ways.

    Also, I don't KNOW how they feel. I only WONDER.

    It's interesting that of all the things I've ever writtem here, this is the one that had created the most controversy....

  9. I have a family member like this. I never understood it either.

  10. i think that the reason this post provoked so much controversy is because you wrote it with so much passion. you obviously feel very strongly about your sister in law and her behavior/lifestyle. so that "begs the question", WHY are you so "fucking annoyed" by her?

    What is it that makes you so angry about her? And is it possible that you are envious of some aspect of her life? And perhaps it is the envy you are feeling that is making you angry?

  11. >And is it possible that you are envious of some aspect of her life? And perhaps it is the envy you are feeling that is making you angry?

    Sometimes people are just "fucking annoying" - just like "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar", if you know what I mean.

  12. It might be that she's gay.

    If she needs to rebel, but there isn't anything against which to actually rebel, it could make sense that she would kind of contrive things against which to rebel.

    Sometimes a child who is given everything by generous, loving, accepting parents is appreciative and learns to be generous, loving, and accepting to others, but sometimes such a child simply becomes spoiled.

    Or maybe something happened between her and her parents that you and even her siblings can not understand or even do not know.

    The idea of her being the butt of so many jokes, though, seems in contrast to the loving nature ascribed to her parents. I have little tolerance for parents who make fun of their children.

    Do you think any of the people who are as close to your family as you are to David's are similarly mystified about you and your family?

  13. Anon - To clarify:

    Her parents aren't really making fun of her, that's what her SIBLINGS are doing. In fact, it's generaly mom or dad that will cut in with an "alright, that's enough of that" when things get too rowdy.

    To your last point no - Anyone THAt close to my family knows exactly what my mother is. And the "love" she gave me. And therefore they will at least understand, if not agree, with how i am.