Friday, May 24, 2013

Serial Poster

So today I bought myself like a new pair of shoes and they are soooo preeeeteeey...I will wear my new red shoes with my black skirt and, like, my fave sweater set and everyone will look upon me and be jealous of my beauty.

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Today I am sad  My feelings have been stepped upon.  How dare that girl talk to me like that?  How dare that man bump into me like that? 

How DARE?

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So, like, today I'm going to try to impress my blog readers with, like, poetry.  Cuz like poetry is really deep and I want to, like impress upon people how deep I am:

I am woman
hear me roar

Don't let the waters flow over your head
Drowning
Drowning
Drowning

I am woman
I can fly above the tallest towers
and mountains
and even hillocks
If i so choose


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Why does no one, like, get me?  Am i so hard to figure out?  So difficult to understand.  Are my depths incapable of being plumed?

A poem:

Alone
I am

Apart
I sit

I look down at you ants and I laugh inside.
You thing YOU'VE got problems
Issues

Your issues are teeny tiny and insignificant
compared to

Mine.

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So this guy I went on like two dates with, he dumped me.  WTF? Everything was going so well.  We were able to make small talk at the airport and even the car ride back to my apartment wasn't too quiet.  I only sent 45 texts from the car.  The guy was obviously mentally deranged to pass on this.

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Today I made a yummy cheesecake.  My overweight roommates demolished it and told me I'm the greatest baker since the Pillsbury Dough Boy.  Right now I am baking a challah and making meatballs.  Honestly, I might very well be the greatest cook and baker in all of queensbrooklynnewjerseyfarrockawaymonsey. 

Of course i'm on a diet so i won't touch any of it.  But everyone tells me they are so awesome.

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My new best friend just got engaged.  I am both happy for her and sad.  We met three months ago and we have been inseparable ever since.  Now she is gone.  She dated her fiance five times and she said it's magical to finally have a guy who she knows everything about.

Five times?  What rubbish.  You can't know a guy after five dates.  I'll for sure date my future husband at least six.

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I am sooooo super excited.

The Jewish Weekly of Monmouth is printing an article I submitted about being single and still believing in Hashem.  It's entitled Being Single and Still Believing in Hashem.

You should so check it out!!

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So like, I'm closing down my blog.  5 years, 4,796 posts.  I feel like I have nothnig left to say.  Thank you to all who have laughed with me, cried with me.  I consider all of you my closest friends.

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So I'm back!!  Those two weeks away were sooo hard for me.  I can only imagine what they were like for you! 

Don't worry you don't have to thank me.  I couldn't stay away.  No, really, my therapist told me I'm completely addicted to the internet.  Heh - what does he know?  I can stop any time I want.

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OMG OMG OMG.  I'm engaged!!  I have found the love of my life.  He's super awesome.  We know everything there is to know about each other and it's so amazing to have that wit another person who isn't, like you know, female.  We dated five times and we both just knew. I  am attaching 45 jpegs of the ring from various different angles for your viewing pleasure.

Of course I wish i could invite each and every one of you who has stuck with me all 6 years - even though no one's commented in 45 months and my blog counter only seems to reflect when I obsessively check 32 times a day, but I know you all are still checking me out on Google Reader! - but obviously i can't.  So I'll just, like, think of all you.

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Silence.

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