Friday, January 11, 2013

Miss Misery

"Do you miss me,
Miss Misery,
Like you say you do."

(Elliot Smith)

A misery to live with.

We've all heard that said about someone - or said it ourselves.  A misery to live with.

Recently, I discovered that I am a misery to live with.

oh he hasn't said anything.  He isn't even complaining.  But I am.

A misery.

To live with.

It's not that I don't like clothing thrown on the floor (even though I don't - and I will, despite my better ideas on how to train someone, will bend down and pick the crap up myself rather than waiting on some sort of miracle).  I do not care about a sink full of dishes (especially when they are there because of me).  I like made beds better than unmade ones, but I'm no bed Nazi.

So why am I such a misery to live with?

Well it's a two part answer. 

Numero Uno - I've never actually lived with someone before.  Sure, I've lived in a house with other people - but I've still always lived alone.  So now there's this adjustment period. And I think that I'm probably no picnic, at least some of the time.  He's all sunny and amiable and I'm all moody and rotten.

Miss Misery - at times.

Numero dos - I recently went through some stuff.  And the recovery process has been tough  because I can't really talk to him about it (reason unimportant for the purposes of this conversation).  And I've been sorting it out and working it through - and I'm even letting it fade.  But it's been a slow process and that misery surely follows me around still - though, perhaps, not as clearly and painfully as it did a month or so ago.

Miss Misery.

But you know what they say - the first step towards correcting a problem is admitting you have one.
So there it is for the world to see - I can be a miserable pain in the ass to live with.

I've been told, by some insightful people, that he knows this.  That he knows this and has signed up for it.  That I'm especially foolish if I truly believe that he thinks I'm "perfect" (as shocking as this might be for you all to believe).

And no, it isn't all misery.  In fact, it isn't even a 50/50 split.  We are having fun.  It's fun - even menial tasks can be fun when done together (see dishes, washing). 

Miss Misery?

Maybe not - maybe not completely anyway.  I think what I'm beginning to understand is that maybe all of us are, in our "times", misery to live with. Maybe I aint so special after all.  Humans aren't always sunny and happy.  Or pleasures to deal with.  Even the humans who we love so much.  Maybe the point is only that when we love them, their miserable-ness is simply easier to take.  You never see me getting mad when I almost fall into the toilet because a certain misery hasn't learned the art of returning the seat to its proper place.  Or that he seems to feel that getting trash "close" to the garbage counts as actually getting it in.  Or that he doesn't know a washer from a dryer.  See, he's a regular Mr. Misery himself.

Maybe I am learning how to be happy.  And I'm confusing the signs. 

Maybe I simply miss Misery.


  1. Hey, at least you're not fighting with each other... But misery can be tough :-( But it seems like both of you're working on it, so it will get better.

  2. That's not misery; that's just common life issue. Misery is when you really can't stand each other, which doesn't sound like your situation. :)