Friday, December 28, 2012

Ramble On

"Ramble on
Sing My Song"
(Robert Plany/Jimmy Page)

THEN:

Me:  "But what am I supposed to write in a journal?"

Wise Therapist:  "Just write.  Write whatever comes to your mind.  Specifically, whatever you are feeling."

Me:  But what if I'm not feeling anything?"

Him (smiling):  "Then just write."


NOW:

Just write.

Word of wisdom.  And quite honestly, extremely helpful sentiments to someone in need of them. 

You all know the back story.  If you are still reading this, you know why it started.  And how helpful it has been.  But for a while, for the last several months, I kind of lost the thread. 

Just write.

A week ago, a little birdie reminded me that just writing had been such a therapeutic, cleansing experience for me.  "Are you writing?" she asked.  Not just on the blog.  Anywhere?  Anything?

No.  I wasn't.  Not a word, not a syllable.  Not a dark thought or a happy moment.  Not about my trials and tribulations of becoming a productive member of the work force.  Not about my struggles.  not about my happiness.  Not a word.  Not a single letter.

Just write.

A mistake.  A miscalculation.  I'm done.  I'm free.  I'm evolved.  No more backsliding.  No more troubles.  Just a magical flight from messed up to higher up. 

Except it doesn't really work that way does it?  The demons linger, deep within, long after the emergency triage is needed.  Long after the therapies and the sessions and the deep, meaningful talks.  Long after you have jettisoned you past, even the parts that were accidentally jettisoned, they rise up from deep down inside you.  They whisper your hidden secrets and they remind you that you are no good. 

Just write.

But they are just a bunch of liars.  You are good and you have evolved.  Sure you aren't perfect.  Sure you make mistakes.  But the question is, what do you do with them.  Do you learn?  Do you improve? Do you give up and give in to that nagging sensation that beckons you to take the easy way - the path of least resistance?

But then you are reminded.  There is a better way.  Not easier, no.  But better.  More fulfilling.  Ultimately the ONLY way to get where you want to go.

Just write.

Then, perhaps, it becomes just right.

2 comments:

  1. I am lazy about writing as well. I tend to write most when I'm not doing well, but the urge to write drops off as my moods improve. It is a good outlet, though.

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