Tuesday, July 10, 2012

What Being Married Feels Like To Me

"You know that I care what happens to you,
And I know that you care for me, too.

So I don't feel alone,
Or the weight of the stone,
Now that I've found somewhere safe
To bury my bone.

And any fool knows a dog needs a home,
A shelter from pigs on the wing."

(Pink Floyd - Pigs on the Wing, Part 2)

I've always understood these lyrics.  But I've never felt them.  They had no meaning to me.  I've dreamed about them, as I slept on strange floors or in stranger beds.  While I lay awake in my room at home and wondered what it would be like for sleep to take me easily.  I've wondered but I haven't known

Now I know.


It's only been a week and a few days.  I know.  I'm not an expert.  I don't even play one on TV.

But I know one thing.  I know my feelings.  Good and bad.  Scared, happy.  Mix and match.  I know how I feel. 

And being with him is like being warm and safe. 

It's coming in from the pouring rain and being handed a warm towel.  It's coming in from the snow to a mug of hot coffee and a roaring fireplace.  [Insert your own warm and safe memory here.]

I love being married to him, knowing that even when he isn't here he will be soon.  That I don't have to sleep alone anymore.  That whenever I need him to give me a hug or just a reassuring tap on the shoulder, it's there.  Or when I need his smile or his physical warmth, it's there.

Will these feelings fade as we grow more accustomed to each other?  Probably to some degree - right now they are extremely strong and sharp.  But by then, I won't need them as much.  But I know it will always be there, perhaps more in the background, like a favorite sweatshirt that you know you can slip into at any time.

A dog needs a home.  A shelter.  I have found my shelter, and he's everything I could have ever have dreamed.


  1. and you deserve all of that, and more. much mazal!

  2. I'm about to get married and feel EXACTLY like this now about my fiance. Can't wait to actually be married to him, iyH. I had a difficult childhood/adolescence as well, completely different experiences than what you went through but I completely relate to pretty much everything you write here. Especially the happiness/relief/calmness/settled feeling that comes with being 'recovered.' You are an inspiration for me, further proof that life DOES get better. I hope we both continue to be happy and be overwhelmed by the goodness!! Mazel Tov ;)

  3. :)

    (I'm sorry my comments are boring and repetitive...but it's what I'm feeling!)

  4. I hope it only gets even better for you from now on... Perhaps not in the same way of "newness", but in better, stronger, and more enduring ways. :)

  5. And deep beneath the ground the early morning sounds
    And I go down
    Sleepy time when I lie with my love by my side
    And she's breathing low
    And I rise like a bird,
    In the haze when the first rays touch the sky
    And the night winds die.