Tuesday, July 10, 2012

What Being Married Feels Like To Me

"You know that I care what happens to you,
And I know that you care for me, too.


So I don't feel alone,
Or the weight of the stone,
Now that I've found somewhere safe
To bury my bone.

And any fool knows a dog needs a home,
A shelter from pigs on the wing."


(Pink Floyd - Pigs on the Wing, Part 2)




I've always understood these lyrics.  But I've never felt them.  They had no meaning to me.  I've dreamed about them, as I slept on strange floors or in stranger beds.  While I lay awake in my room at home and wondered what it would be like for sleep to take me easily.  I've wondered but I haven't known

Now I know.

*******************************************************


It's only been a week and a few days.  I know.  I'm not an expert.  I don't even play one on TV.

But I know one thing.  I know my feelings.  Good and bad.  Scared, happy.  Mix and match.  I know how I feel. 

And being with him is like being warm and safe. 

It's coming in from the pouring rain and being handed a warm towel.  It's coming in from the snow to a mug of hot coffee and a roaring fireplace.  [Insert your own warm and safe memory here.]

I love being married to him, knowing that even when he isn't here he will be soon.  That I don't have to sleep alone anymore.  That whenever I need him to give me a hug or just a reassuring tap on the shoulder, it's there.  Or when I need his smile or his physical warmth, it's there.

Will these feelings fade as we grow more accustomed to each other?  Probably to some degree - right now they are extremely strong and sharp.  But by then, I won't need them as much.  But I know it will always be there, perhaps more in the background, like a favorite sweatshirt that you know you can slip into at any time.

A dog needs a home.  A shelter.  I have found my shelter, and he's everything I could have ever have dreamed.

6 comments:

  1. and you deserve all of that, and more. much mazal!

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  2. I'm about to get married and feel EXACTLY like this now about my fiance. Can't wait to actually be married to him, iyH. I had a difficult childhood/adolescence as well, completely different experiences than what you went through but I completely relate to pretty much everything you write here. Especially the happiness/relief/calmness/settled feeling that comes with being 'recovered.' You are an inspiration for me, further proof that life DOES get better. I hope we both continue to be happy and be overwhelmed by the goodness!! Mazel Tov ;)

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  3. :)

    (I'm sorry my comments are boring and repetitive...but it's what I'm feeling!)

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  4. I hope it only gets even better for you from now on... Perhaps not in the same way of "newness", but in better, stronger, and more enduring ways. :)

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  5. And deep beneath the ground the early morning sounds
    And I go down
    Sleepy time when I lie with my love by my side
    And she's breathing low
    And I rise like a bird,
    In the haze when the first rays touch the sky
    And the night winds die.

    ReplyDelete