Saturday, June 30, 2012

Today Is...Today Is....Today Is...The Greatest...Day

"Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow,
Tomorrow's much too long
I'll burn my eyes out
Before I get out


Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings

Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day

Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever really known"

(Abridged lyrics to "Today" by Smashing Pumpkins)

Today is...

Nothing much more to say, really.

The plans are done.  The dress is done.  The flowers are done.  The seating is done.  My bags are packed.  Tova is fulfilling her promise - she's out of the hospital for the next 24 hours to dance with me at my wedding.

Today is...

All done.  Nothing left to do.  But to sit here.  And to wait.  And to stay calm.  And to take the last minute calls from friends and "friends", the pop ins to my room from family, the texts from everyone. 

And to look forward.  To tomorrow.  To tomorrow night.  To all the days that follow.

Today is the greatest...

Am I scared?  You bet.  Am I anxious?  Hell yeah.  But am I excited?  Happy?  Fuck yea!  It's time to roll.  It's time to cast off the past once and for all and to start living the future.  The future I dared never even dream about.  Yet the one I somehow managed to get for myself through hard work and a lil' bit o' luck.

Day...

It's here.  It's finally here.  My wedding day.  The words are strange in my ears.  Like I was never meant to say them but somehow, some way I managed to find the voice. 

I am a SUCCESS STORY!  I am a RECLAMATION PROJECT!  I am the RESULT OF A GOOD THERAPIST!  I am all these things.  But today I have become much more. 

I am me.  I am the product all my past, my experiences, my hard work and my determination.  I am a product of my strengths and my weaknesses.  I am proof that you can rise above.  That you can be better than anyone gives you credit for.

If you want it enough.  If you are wiling to fight for it.

I have ever known...

And I have known  much.  Too much.  More than any young child should ever know.  I was living a nightmare.

But now I'm living a dream.  My dream.  My dreams.

All come true.

8 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I wish both of you best of luck.

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  2. "today" is one of my favorite pumpkins song - although it IS a difficult selection, as i dearly love almost everything the pumpkins have written/performed. in any event, much mazal to you and yours!

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  3. mazal tov! Much happiness for many, many years to come

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  4. I can't believe you had time to blog on your own wedding day. That's dedication!

    MAZAL TOV!!!!!!!!!

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  5. Mazal Tov! I'm so happy for you... And you are an inspiration, kiddo!

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  6. Mazel tov mazel tov!

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