Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Taking One For The Team By Stealing My Thunder

High anxiety.

It's what I've been feeling the last several days.  I've mentioned it before, but it's important for background.  I'm actually shocked that I feel anything other than excitement, but, apparantly it's normal to be anxious before your wedding.

My brother.  My older brother.  Let's call him FredGeorge.  He's been my mate.  My savior.  The one in the family who has always been there for me.  We watch shows together, we cook together (i.e. he cooks and i eat it and take half the credit) and he uses are incredibly fancy and expensive coffee machine to make me the most rewarding latte's on god's green earth.  And he has been asking me what he can do, what can he do to help me.  But there really is nothing.  I dread being the center of attention, of everything revolving around me.  It's never been good for me in the past.

And he's already been the strong one for me in many ways.  Strong enough to stand up to my mother yet diplomatic enough to always have her like him.  Smart, cute.  He's really the complete package.

So it should come as no surprise that FredGeorge found himslef a great girl. She's pretty, fun, funloving and she has feet planted in both the frum world and the modern one (which is great because my brother can't fake it that much).  They have been seeing each other for several months and finally decided that they were going to get engaged.  After all, in this world you don't go out too long or people get funny ideas about you.

And so it was decided that the would get engaged in August (after the three weeks) with a November-ish time wedding to follow.  And I'm so happy for him because he's so great and I love him so much and I want him to be happy too.  And I cannot wait for his engagement and his wedding.  It was already a BIG DEAL that I was getting married before him.

So yesterday late afternoon, when my mother started screaming, I assumed it was a wedding related hissy fit.  Wanting to try and avoid it becoing a full bratty baby-style tantrum, I bit the bullet and went down to see if there was anything I could do to help. 

So ther she is in the kitchen, screaming-  but happily screaming.  mazal tov mazal tov.  "FredGeorge is engaged!!  We are having a lechaim at her house (our house being overrun with WEDDING RELATING CRAP) and in no shape for hosting people).  Quick go tell your younger brother and Luna to get dressed and ready.  I need to call your father and your sister."  And then she's muttering to herself about the strange timing, why didn't he wait.

As an aside - My head is spinning.  Did my mother just give me a job to do?  Did she just talk to me like I'm a person?  I credited it to her surprise at the news.

So we get to the Kallah's house.  The happy couple is there, with her family, when we arrive.  There are already a few neighbors and friends gathered.  I wait until the initial press of family goes over.  Then I do.  I go to the kallah and give her a hug and a mazal tov and a welcome to the family.  Then I hug him and kiss him and wish him mazal tov.  "You're welcome," he says, smiling.  I stare at him, puzzled.  Doesn't he mean thank you?  He's beaming ear to ear. 

And looking at me - expectantly.  Like there's something I haven't figured out yet.

And it dawns on me.  The timing.  Why now? So close before my big day.  When his timing was all planned out.  It certainly wasn't jealously.  Or spite. 

Which only leaves one thing.  He did it to take the spotlight off me.  Obviously this realization must have been on his face because he's nodding vigorously.  I got it.  He asked me what he could do and I told him there was nothing he could do.  So he figured out somethnig on his own.

I am lucky.  And sometimes I lose sight of that.  I don't have that many people in my life.  But the ones I do...the ones I have I'd never trade for anything.  When the le'chaim was over and all the people gone, we sat in the backyard of our house, drinking beer and huddled close for warmth.  We talked about our futures and how we would stay close.  About how he'd even let our kids play together  :).  And I couldn't help but remembering how lucky I am.  Despite everything I've been through, I have this little core group of people who I can rely on.  And some people who might be surrounded by 100 friends still lack what I have.  True people you can rely on.

So my thunder is stolen.  My brother is in the spotlight.  And he's eating it up. 

And I'm happy and excited once more.


  1. FG sounds like a decent kind of guy. :) And wasn't it nice not to have all attention focused on you, even for a little while?

  2. I really, truly HATED every second of it. Learned response from years of the center of attention always being negative for me. maybe ONE day I can appreciate t more.

    And yes, FredGeorge is an AWESOME guy. One of the few good ones and now off the market :)

  3. mazal tov to your brother, and to you - what a mensch!