Thursday, June 28, 2012

Maybe, Maybe Not

Ed's Note - Dumb Ass spell checker isn't working so apologies in advance:

As the title suggests, this may or may not be the last time I ever post as a single person. 

I don't have any new thoughts, emotions or stories to share.  I have no special advice to dole out nor any blessings to make.  All that time has passed.  There is only the next few days and then the rest of my life.  Ah finality.

But I do have one thing to offer.  That is a very well-deserved, and heartfelt, thank you to you, my small but loyal readership.

Many years ago, when I started this blog (ok like a year and half but honestly, doesn't it really feel like we've been doing this forever?) I can honestly say I am not the same person I am today. 

Now duh, most people change over time, but some people evolve quicker and some slower.  When I first started this blog, I was, let's call me, a recovering rebel.  I was truly doing ok, but still, I had many deficiencies that still needed to be worked on. 

One of them was confidence in myself. In fact, one of the most important of my missions when starting this journal was to be able to look back at where I was a certain points in time (a week, a month, a year) and see where I was at that point. What was I thinking?  What was I feeling?  Have I grown since then?  Am I still thinking about things the same way or have my opinions and thought processes changed.

And bless my good luck.  But it was during this time period that you guys found this journal.  And you read it. And heck, you started commenting (you weirdos).  Some of you reached out to me (and I to you).  And it was also during this time period that I started seriously pining for a certain boy that I was not quite certain pined for me as well.  And to be honest, without the support, friendly advice and yes, even some hard shoves, I'm not sure I would have went for it. 

And then where would I be today?

No no, dear reader, you cannot have all the credit. Stop furiously patting yuorself on the back, you might strain something.  I wasn't completely without confidence in my abilities (after all, I was and continue to be world class at tennis - smirk smirk).  But still, I do hope that you feel a small amount of pride in this big win.  We are, after all, a team no?

So yes - no one else got engaged, anxiety has morphed back into excitement and a little bit o' nervousness.  Tova is...(well she is, but she says nothing in the world will stop her from being there. And that's good enough for me.) 

So I will go on the record as saying all is right in the universe (at least for now).

So no - none of you are invited (even the ones who asked ever so nicely).  But you can rest assured that I will tell you all about it (at some point in the future).  I will think of you all when I am experiencing it and I will silently reflect and mouth a thank you to you all for your support, guidance, advice and non-creepy internet love.  Except you, Malka - your internet love is creepy :).  (Wait, did I say that in my out-loud voice?  Oops.)

So there it is.  Maybe the last one (or not).  Either way the message is the same.  Thank you all - for everything.  For reading, for advising - heck thank you for letting me know that it means something to you.  I may not get that really, but I appreciate it nontheless.

And most of all, wish me luck.  I'd sure like my fairy tale character to be ok in the end.

C.

6 comments:

  1. Good luck :). So, so happy for you - as usual.

    (lol @ non-creepy internet love.)

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  2. You make me smile. Until I get to your little out-loud gaffe and then I just gasp. Well, gasp and smile.

    For the record, fellow-readers, It's totally Cymbaline who's creepy. I'm completely not-creepy and safe to come out of the internet.

    Yay, C.!!

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  3. The only way Malka could be MORE creepy is if she started hanging out in children's movie theaters wearing a trench coat. The only way Malka could be more creepy is if she started breathing heavier. The only way ...well, you get the idea.

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  4. I've been following your blog for some time and silently admiring your courage and strength. May you have only happiness and acceptance from here on. Mazel tov!

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  5. Welcome new 9old) reader! Glad to have you. Glad you unveiled yourself. I honestly never knew you (or your blog) existed 'till now. Cool :)

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