Tuesday, May 1, 2012

"Why We Fight"

The sound of soft knocks against my door woke me up this morning. 

Confusing because:

 a) Everyone is confused when they first wake up and b) no one EVER knocks on my door for pretty much any reason.

And just like last time, it's my dad.

"Maybe you shouldn't go to school today he says."  I look at him, puzzled.  "It's really coming down out there.  It may not be safe to drive."  He pauses.  "The weddings coming soon you know."

For the first time, I become aware of the sound of rain pounding against the skylight in my bathroom.  It is loud.  I won't go to the gym, I tell him.  I'll wait to see if the weather clears up before I go.  If it stays this bad, I'll stay home today.

He looks satisfied.  "Ok, I'm off to shul.  Have a nice day."  He gently closes my door.  

I bury myself back under my covers.  But there will be no more sleep for me this morning.  But for a good reason this time.  I feel a spreading warmth inside me.  It feels as though it starts at the heart, radiating outwards from there. 

It feels like being loved. 

Life is a series of events.  It moves fast.  Things happen in an instant and then they are gone.  Moments occur which, if properly judged, would have huge impacts on our lives.  Sometimes we see them and sometimes we flat out miss them too.

But this morning I have not missed the moment.  My father, who is very guarded and not exactly what one would describe as a mush ball, has sent me two messages - the first is that he loves me and cares about me.  The second is that he approves of David and me spending my life with him. 

Now you might tell me I'm reading too much into this moment, to his words, but I will tell you that you are wrong.  Because I know people - I know HIM - and I know what our two minute interaction symbolized.

Life is a series of events.  Many, if not most, mundane.  Some wonderful and some downright horrible. 

Why do we live?  What makes it all worth it?  Why do we fight - slog through the muck?  The answer is because when we do slog through - and when we recognize the special moments (a baby's first step, true love's first kiss, a parent's love) - we get to feel the warm glow spreading inside us.

And it feels like being loved.


  1. You should see me smiling :) :) :).

  2. i like your blog, you are truly inspirational!

  3. MW - As usual, awwwww

    Frenchie - thank you.