Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A New Anthem

"And the wise men say 'I don’t want to hear your voice.'
And the thin men say 'I don’t want to hear your voice.'
And they’re cursing me, and they won’t let me be.
And there’s nothing to say, and there’s nothing to do.

Stop whispering, start shouting,
stop whispering, start shouting.

And my mother say 'We spit on your son some more.'
And the buildings say 'We spit on your face some more.'
And the feeling is that there’s something wrong,
’cause I can’t find the words, and I can’t find the songs.

Stop whispering, start shouting,
stop whispering, start shouting.

Dear Sir, I have a complaint.
Dear Sir, I have a complaint,
can’t remember what it is,
doesn’t matter anyway.
Doesn’t matter anyway."

If life has a soundtrack, mine has changed over time.  My early years were probably filled with sad, EMO songs, psychedelic drug songs, U2 ("and you give yourself away, and you give yourself away), broken heart songs, etc. 

When I was ready for change, the soundtrack changed.  I went from being an angry perpetrator/victim to being.. well just angry.  I felt wronged.  I felt cheated.  I also heard the song "Stop Whispering" by Radiohead. 

And this song is me.  In  a nutshell.  I felt it perfectly fit my whole existence up to that point.  The wise men (educators, parents, adults) said they didn't want to hear my voice.  They curse me and won't let me be.  And I'm powerless to stop it.  And yes, mother will spit on her daughter some more.  And everyone else will spit on me some more.    And yes, I have a complaint.  But no one's interested in it. 

BUT

I had to stop whispering.  And start shouting. I discovered, with the help of my therapist, that I did indeed have a voice.  I had things worth hearing.  My opinion mattered.  My feelings mattered. I mattered.Shout from the rooftops, shout from the hills.  I am woman, hear me roar.

Stop whispering.  Start shouting.

I used to listen to this song every day.  Like literally,every day.  And you know me, I'm a Floyd girl.  But this song...this song.

So I stopped whispering.  And I started shouting.

And now  - things have changed. I still love the song, occasionally it's a good reminder of who I want to be.  But it's no longer a fitting anthem.  As I move on to the Next Stage, my soundtrack has changed again.

So I'm in the market for a new anthem.  I need a new song that defines where I am right now.  Well not "defines", that's not right.  More accurately, i need the new song that's playing in the background while life cuts to a montage of me doing me things.  Like going to school, hanging with Tova, preparing for married life.

I've stopped whispering.  I've started shouting.  Been there, done that.

What's playing now?

5 comments:

  1. Isley brothers :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kke9kaV9sMU

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dude that's WAY too happy. I'll NEVER be THAT happy. Onless i'm on lithium.....

    ReplyDelete