Friday, April 27, 2012

BLAST From The Past

I received an email this morning.

I slept over at David's apartment last night - we went to the Rangers game (GAME 7!!!) last night and I spent the night (separately) at his place.  He went to work this morning and I slept in (the only place in the world where I can sleep).  When I woke up I just stayed in his bed (he slept on the couch people!!) and hung out, truly enjoying the moment. 

And then the email came in.

Some email from some screen name giving me no clues as to the sender.  Doesn't matter what was in the mail.  What the attachments were.  Not even who the sender was. 

All that matters is, on a morning where I was truly enjoying my current life, I was slapped in the face by my former one.

I have made my peace with the past.  I have cut myself off from all the people from my former life.  I have done what is in my control to do.

But that's the funny thing about life.  Not everything in it is in our control. 

 I once saw a tv commercial where a guy sent an email to everyone in his office by accident - and he ran around all over town stealing every one's computers and smart phones. 

But the truth is, we cannot sanitize our past.  There is no way to run around town erasing people's memories or stealing their computers with all the damning evidence.  What's done, so to speak, is done. 

This isn't a plea to all you young-uns to be careful with your actions.  Rather, it's me trying to make peace with this unwanted reminder.

Now I'm still in David's apartment, waiting for him to come home from work so we can go to his parents' for shabbos.  I've thought it through, ran through all the worst case scenario's and decided I'll be ok from this. 

But still, I hate that I have to go through the machinations.

I can't change my past and I don't plan on spending more time regretting it.  That girl is gone.  She doesn't exist anymore.  There's no need for me to spend time being sad for her or bitter.  No one has to pity her.  She is no more.  And the one who replaced her is doing great.  And she won't let that first girl derail what she's worked so hard to accomplish.

So I'll delete that email and move forward.

I hope.