Monday, October 3, 2011

Hypotheticals - They Happen Every Day

Was g-chating with Am-Inspiration this Am (hahahahaha) and she asked me an interesting "hypothetical" along the lines of :

If you were married and had kids and something changed in you, would you live a lie in order to "protect" your family?  Would you share the change knowing it will produce a tremendous amount of hurt, pain and confusion?  Or would you shoulder the burden, keep doing what you are doing, and be unhappy.

 I'd argue each situation is different- there are certainly times where a person SHOULD indeed keep it to themselves and live the lie - especially if they sharing the "secret" will not help - only cause additional pain without resolution.  Each case may call for a different answer.

Of course, none many of you will remember that I've written about this very same scenario as it relates to me - my continuing fear that David will reject me because of my lack of faith in Judaism.

Interestingly enough, responses to my own dilemma ran the gamut - there was, "you are over thinking, it will be ok" all the way to "well duh, you are an apikores, of course you can't be with David!!" (meant, of course, in the nicest possible way).

Honestly, regarding my situation specifically, I don't worry about it anymore - for starters, it doesn't help, but more importantly...

I AM CHANGING.

I am not the same person as I was 2 months ago  - heck, I am not even the same person I was 2 weeks ago.  I can no longer be so worried about who I am in a specific moment in time.  because that moment will keep moving and then I will be someone slightly different.

I am growing.  I change.  I am learning things about myself every day. I can't worry about something that might happen to the preset day me in the future (if you follow) because there will be no present day me in the future.  I'll be some (hopefully) better version of my current myself.

Confusing - I know - but I know I can't get myself caught up in my daily nits and picks and expect to stay sane. 

I have to keep moving forward.

4 comments:

  1. :)
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    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

    Just keep swimming...

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  2. Great post, I can say the same for myself as well. Im happy to hear :)

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  3. Growth and change are difficult things for most people. It takes a very strong person to be able to accept, even embrace, the changes they never expected they'd be able to make.

    Ali v'hatzlichi!

    :)

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