Friday, October 7, 2011

The Big Day

So tomorrow I am for the first time going to voluntarily fast for 25 straight hours.  I am going to go to shul and pray as much as I can.  I am going to try very hard to feel what it is exactly the day is all about.

I have no idea how to prepare to fast, or if I'm even capable of fasting for 25 hours.

I have no idea what is acceptable dress code for shul.

But I guess these are the insignificant details of the whole thing anyway.  I guess the point of the trappings is to make the day itself "meaningful" - whatever that means.

The funny thing is, taking stock of what I am, where I am in life and where I want to be is at least a weekly occurrence in my life as it is.  I know this taking stock is supposed to be different.  It's all about the religious advances (and DECLINES) a person has made.  But I'm not sure what that means in my case.  I am Jewish - proudly so.  I think true Judaism, in its purest form, is probably a good moral and ethical way to live.

But is anyone listening up there anymore?  Is it all just a pipe dream?  A white rabbit that people blindly follow?

I sincerely hope that isn't so.  I want to believe there's more to all of this than smoke and mirrors - both because it's better for my relationship and also because otherwise everything is so...empty.

So tomorrow is the big day.  Perhaps, starving and thirsty, I'll even gain something from it.

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