Friday, September 2, 2011

Men Are Loveable Losers

So yesterday I picked up David's favorite healthy dinner from my neighborhood and took a train into the city.  The plan - surprise him when he got home from work (which I checked to make sure was happening right away) and hang out for a few hours.


Last night was David's fantasy football draft!  Which was held in his apartment.  With 9 of his closest friends.  Boy, was I surprised.

Let me explain this to all of you who aren't men.  They pick real football players to be on their "teams".  They every week the players get points based on how well they do and the person who has the most points, his team wins against another team. Got that?  Me neither.

The League is called "The League of Dorks" after their favorite sportswriter - who calls it the same thing.  So at least they know what they are.  After an uncomfortable discussion, it was agreed I was "cool" and could stay (most of these guys know me from hanging out with me all summer) so long as I kept my snarky comments to myself (except, of course, for the one creepy guy I never liked [and cannot understand why these guys hang out with him unless he has pictures of all of them doing inappropriate things] who kept staring daggers at me with a "but for Cymbaline we'd all be watching porn" look.  Good times).

Since there were 10 guys there, someone had brought in a greasy food extravaganza, which was washed down with beer (mmmm beer).  The awesomeness I had brought with me from home was wrapped up to"be eaten later" - i.e., thrown out after I left.

Well, if you are a guy, I do not have to tell you how the next few hours unfolded.  I was totally ignored while these losers studies spreadsheets (SPREADSHEETS?!?) and charts and made their picks and then ripped on each other for these self-same picks.  And I wasn't allowed to be snarky?  There were some hysterics when someone picked a guy named Aryan "too high" because he has a "bad hammy".  My god, wasn't the world a better place when these knuckleheads would just go PLAY football?  Though to be fair, these are some pretty funny guys and I found myself laughing at things I didn't really understand.

Anyways, because he felt bad for me, David let me name his team.  I was so flattered I almost cried.  I doubt I'd have been happier if he proposed to me right then and there. (The previous 2 sentences were sarcasm).  I resisted the urge to name them the "Ballerinas of the Pussies" out of pure spite and went with my motto instead - "Winter is Coming".  Since football is played mostly in winter, and it's kinda ominous, the idiots seemed to approve.

By the time I got back home it was late and I realized I hadn't eaten.  What was worse, the food I had brought was probably in David's building incinerator.  Eff my life.

On the bright side, I got to name a team in the coveted League of Dorks 2011 Fantasy Football League and once again re-affirm that which i already knew.  Men are loveable losers.

And let's face it ladies, we'd be pretty lost without 'em.


  1. Wait, the most important Q is: Who did he get?

    Arian Foster is still a high pick, even with a tweaked hamstring. :)

  2. Haha. Fantasy sports. If you are part of a good league it can actually be a lot of fun!

  3. Umm, yeah.... funny but sad. Sad but funny! :)