Friday, July 1, 2011

Winter Is Coming

The Stark family of Winterfell (do you know them???) have a family motto:


Their family crest (or sigul as they weirdly call it) is a huge wolf that no one in their family had even seen in 300 years.

It's not that they are pessimists.  Rather, they are realists.  Winter is always coming.  It's simply a fact of life.


I do not consider myself to be a pessimist.  Nor am I an optimist.  I'm a neutralist.  I believe everyone's life is made up of both good and the bad.  People have deaths in the family.  People get sick. People break up. They sprain an ankle and therefore can't play their favorite sports all summer.  They lost overtime at work and they can't get those Ray Bans.  If it's winter to you, it's winter, regardless of whether the "bad stuff" is big or small.


For the vast majority of my life, the composition of "stuff" in my life was made up of the bad.  It doesn't matter in the end whose fault that is or what the bad stuff was (though I've spent time documenting both here).  It doesn't change the facts any which way.  Most of my life between the ages of 9 and 19 has been considerably more negative than positive.

So I understand the idea that winter is coming.  Because it's always coming.  The good never lasts forever.  But neither does the bad.

Still, most of the time I do have a clench in my stomach - the wait for the other shoe to fall.  The feeling that WINTER IS COMING.

So now, here's my life.  The latest X-ray shows my lungs are clear.  I may cough anywhere from 1-3 more months, but it's totally normal.  I've gained back 6 pounds (YAY) and Doc cleared me to start going back to the gym (which I already did this morning).  I'm doing really well in school and I'm set up to either go to grad school when I'm done (I've kinda been re-thinking that a bit) or get a career-oriented job.  Tova is finally out of the hospital and I'm seeing her for the first time in FOREVER today.  We are going to have lunch at her house then sit in her backyard.

This weekend is the Fourth of David and I'm gonna have myself a giant heaping plate full of David.  We are spending the whole day Sunday together (plans to be determined) and Sunday night we are having a BBQ at his parents.  Yes read that again.  AT HIS PARENTS.  As in, he's bringing me home to his family.  (As an aside, I have met most of his family, even his parents, and they are very chilled, normal accepting people and I like them very much from what I can tell).  Monday we are going to spend the day with his friends, again many of who I know, and it's gonna be a total blast.

OH and I'm starting my internship Tuesday.  Better late than never, eh? 

Right now, I'm in a literal and figurative summer.  Thus my feelings of unbalance.  I'm used to winter.  And I'm not really 100% sure how to react. 

Do I dare to allow myself to be happy, knowing what I know?  Should I just live in the moment for now, to soak up the "good stuff" while it's happening.  Can I even do this?



  1. So, last Saturday I happened to be sitting across the table from a couple of attorneys and I asked them whether they thought that going to law school is a good idea. They both said that it would be the worst thing anyone can do. They would not advise anyone to do this right now... The situation is beyond horrible for law school graduates... Here's a couple Wall Street Journal articles.

  2. I'm not sure I actually plan on practicing law. i've always been a fan of the way law school train people to THINK. I don't think I want to spend 18 hours a day in a law firm. But I'm starting to thinkn that it's INSANE to make my father spend that kind of money for a brain train. (Yes i know how spoiled that sounds but after all I've been through, the least they can do is pay for my continuing education).

  3. Cymbaline: In terms of career, do what you think is best for you. At the end of the day, everyone has an opinion, but you have your life.

    As for winter/summer... let me tell you, the more time you spend expecting the negative, the more it's likely to happen. Same thing with the positive.

  4. Once you know your LSAT score, you'll have a better idea of how expensive the education will be. (Do really well and you may get a full scholarship from some really good schools.)


  5. No harm in taking the LSATs and seeing what options that gives you. If you don't like them you can always walk away.