Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Wouldn't It Be Nice

These are the things I'd Like to Think:

 - That I'm less vulnerable than I really am.

 - That I can handle actual adversity as well as I do in my head.

 - That the next 10 years are going to be easier than the previous decade.

 - That the life I think I want for myself is, indeed, the life I really do want for myself.

 - That despite Tova's recent setback, she is going to live to see August.

 - That David loves me but he just doesn't know it yet.

 - That I'm actually doing something for little sis (and, by extension, her mother) - or at least was before I got sick.

 - That I'm not making any major mistakes now.

 - That I'm not completely hemmed in, despite the fact that I feel more sewn up every day.

 - That people are, essentially, good.

 - That the lightheaded spells are a result of the weight loss and nothing more serious.

 - That I'll be back at the gym in two or three weeks.

 - That the Internet strangers I've met really do care.

 - That I haven't forgotten how to drive since my home imprisonment.

 - That law school is a good idea.

 - No matter how uncomfortable, living at home is truly my best choice for me right now.

 - That I can trust myself.

 - That the fact that I have been crying a lot just proves I'm not emotionally crippled.

 - That there will be a time I won't have to lean on my therapist and still be sane.

 - That I AM sane.

 - That one day i will be fulfilled and happy.
 - That I am emotionally capable of having kids and raising a family.

 - That despite the damage I did to myself, I WILL be able to have healthy babies.

 - That I can find a place for myself in Judaism.

 - That I'm not completely fucking up and too fucking stupid to fucking realize it.

3 comments:

  1. > - That the life I think I want for myself is, indeed, the life I really do want for myself.

    My advice is to really figure this out before you are hemmed in by life. Mid-life crises are ugly (he said introspectively).

    > - That people are, essentially, good.
    Unfortunately, I don't believe it.

    > - That the Internet strangers I've met really do care.

    "Empathize" is probably more accurate....

    > - That law school is a good idea.

    Really???

    > - That I'm not completely fucking up and too fucking stupid to fucking realize it.

    How can you be fucking up while lying in a hospital with pneumonia - are you sneaking cigs?

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  2. yopu rock kvetcher. Re the fucking up - i mean in general - not in this moment. and I'm out of the hospital!! you are behind the times.

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  3. I agree with the Judaism's view on people - that they are born essentially selfish and must learn how to regulate their bad and good inclinations, but that deep inside they WANT to be good, which is why people always try to make excuses for themselves.

    As for everything else, time will show, but I think you're on the right path.:)

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