Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Hurtling Towards Hope at the Speed of Despair

The craziness of the end of the semester has prompted me to write a poem summing it all up.  Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Finals papers studying finals papers
study study, wake up early
papers study reseacrh tests
filling out litte booklets with not enough pages
why didn't i study that topic???

Pretty good eh?  I'm thinking about submitting it to Lunatics' Weekly.

In any event - A hurricane of studying and work (as evidenced by the prose above) is blowing all around me.  Right now I'm in the eye of the storm. It's eerily quiet.  I haven't taken a break in like five days (unless you count last night when I stopped to watch the season finale of Gossip Girl  which was, by the way, HORRIBLY disappointing  - SPOILER ALERT someone's preggo) and suddenly there's a calm.  I am halfway home.  I can see the finish line and it looks pretty good from where I am.  I cannot recall the last time I ate a proper meal (possibly Shabbos lunch) or been to the gym (last Thursday maybe?) and I'm afraid I've lost weight (which totally sucks).  By the way, supposedly it poured all day.  Didn't notice.

I love how focused I've been.  This is a terribly important year for me grade wise if my trek towards law school is to become a reality.  So from that perspective it's been way productive. 

But once again, in those early morning hours (when I do my most destructive thinking) I'm constanrtly worried I'm underprepared or I haven't made my best efforts on my English paper or whatever.  Or the really scary - I'm not even sure I WANT to go to law school anymore.  Maybe it's just another one of my hair-brained schemes that will go awry before it's completed.

And fear not loyal readers (if there are any left) - I haven't had a productive thought in the last week anyway.  You haven't been missing anything.  There has't been anything in my head to post.  Perhaps I'm a one hit wonder (or is even THAT giving me too much credit?).

Halfway home - my mantra for the rest of the night.  Tomorrow it'll be "less than halfway home".  Then "almost home".  Finally "home".

Except it isn't really home.  It's just another tiny milestone, another small stone in the path.  It's all pretty overwhelming when you think about it that way.  Today it's such a BIG DEAL.  In a year from now it will have meant so little comparatively.  It's a way of making yourself feel small.

Halfway home. 

2 comments:

  1. The poem strangely enough reminds me of 'Friday'.

    Lucky you if u have the 'halfway home' feeling. Thats a good thing. I think many of ppl wish they could say the same with what theyre doing (me being one of them).

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  2. Yikes, this sounds extremely intense.... I hope you make it through the storm, or at least dance like a maniac in the rain,...
    I'm with ya on the studying fanatics...
    almost done...

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