Friday, April 8, 2011

Wish You Were Here

"How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year

Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears

Wish you were here"

(R. Waters/D. Gilmour)

I wish it was you with me all the time.  You are the one.

It is you I wish I woke up next to in the morning. I wish it was you who would give me a hug as I run out the door to a big meeting/interview/project and tell me it's going to be great.

You give the best hugs.  You always cheer me up.  You know how to calm me down.  When I'm with you I'm always happy - even when we are doing things I don't normally have interest in doing.

I think about you in ways that would make you blush if you knew.  You and your cute face and your million watt smile. And your green eyes.  And your laugh.  And I'll stop the list there before I embarrass myself.

It's always been you - I'm just too thickheaded and wrapped up in my own problems to see.  You who have ALWAYS been there for me, listening patiently as I spew out the same vitriol over and over and over again.  You who always can pick me up after with a smile and a kind word.  Or saying something so funny that despite all of my pent up frustrations and anger, I have no choice but to laugh.  Or who can wrap me up in the warmest, most protective light in the world and make me feel like I am...home.

And when you say something "mean" and I say "fuck you" and you answer "when?" - I want you to mean that.  I want you to want me as much as I do.  And when you tell me about the girls you are dating I secretly want to get their addresses and have them killed.

And now - now that I've figured this out, I'm terrified

I'm terrified that if I tell you, you won't feel the same way.  Instead you will give me that sympathetic smile that says you feel bad for me.  I hate when you feel bad for me.  And if I see that smile this time it will tear my heart in two.  And our relationship will forever be ruined because of its inequality. 

I've never seen a sign from you.  Not one tiny bit of interest in me beyond a friendship.

So now I know.  And knowing is worse.

Big, giant dramatic *SIGH*

My life is about to get even more complicated.


  1. "Tova"April 8, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    LOL - You finally realized this???? I'm half dead and I've known it forever. You're such a loser. Tell him how you feel stupid.

  2. STFU :) - no one asked your opinion. Shouldn't you be resting or something instead of commenting on my stupid life?

    You know I can't tell him cause i can't lose him. This is not up for discussion.

  3. "Tova"April 8, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    If you don't tell him, maybe I will. Also, what kinda name is Tova? Couldn't you have given me a fake French name instead?

    Call me so i can bask in the glory of telling you how this isn't news to anyone BUT you.

  4. No can do - there's NO WAY I'm ruining what i have with him. I'd rather suffer in silence. Besides he isn't interested in me. He can do much better. He can find a girl who doesnt have Louis Vuitton luggage attached.

  5. Yo, is this that dude that u went with to the hockey game? He seems like a great guy, AND if hes put up with all ur baggage til now, always being there for you, he is a real top notch dude. Who probably has something for you. Otherwise, I doubt he would been with yah through ur adventures. Give it a shot. You deserve a great guy after all youve gone through. & as ur friends seems to say, all ur friend seem to think hes 4 u.

    GO GET EM!!

  6. @ all of you - it's a LOT easier said than done. If I screw up i lose him

  7. This guy sounds real sweet. He even broke rule one of the bro code for you when he took you to the game.

  8. That being taking me instead of someone who actually cares abt sports?

  9. Nope. That being he brushed off a friend for you, violating rule number 1: bros before hoes.

    He obviously has something for you

  10. Eh. If only it was that simple to figure.