Thursday, March 24, 2011

Remember A Day

"Remember a day before today
A day when you were young.
Free to play along with time
Evening never comes.

Why can't we play today?
Why can't we stay that way?

Why can't we reach the sun?
Why can't we blow the years away?
Blow away
Blow away
 - (Roger Waters/ Syd Barret)

In the summer following 10th grade, we rented a cabin on a lake somewhere in the Catskills for a week.

At first I was so miserable, I thought I was going to die.  I was apart from my little cabal of misfits, apart from the pot I thought I needed to be happy and apart from the physical contact that seemed to make guys so into me.  I was surly and argumentative - in other words I was being Cymbaline.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the lake.

 One day I went to sit on the dock which led into the lake and contemplate the awful fates that had led me to this place - so damn quiet, so damn green.  It was towards the end of the day, maybe an hour before sunset, when the insects fly low over the water.  These tiny fish, hundreds of them, came leaping out of the water - eating the insects and leaving tiny concentric ripples in the otherwise placid lake.  To this day, it is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.  I guess all of my emotions kinda came rushing up  - my pent up frustration and anger - because I started to cry. 

My kid sister - maybe she was 5 at the time - came strolling out onto the dock and sat next to me - looking at me cry then looking out at the lake - and she put her head on my shoulder.  And we sat like that for, I dunno, maybe five minutes, maybe an hour.  I honestly couldn't tell you. 

What I can tell you is after we went back to the house and I ate dinner with my family.  A dinner with real conversation and, get this, laughter.  I remember my mom looking at me in amazement - wondering what had gotten into her little black sheep.

It remains one of the four or five best days of my entire life.

1 comment:

  1. This post made me cry. Maybe I shouldn't be reading this as work.