Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Careful With That Ax Eugene

When i was sixteen years old, the guy I was seeing (i.e. having sex with) decided to dump me by smacking me in the face, pushing me to the floor and repeatedly kicking me until I begged him to stop. Luckily I was wearing long skirts and sleeves to please my world because I had bruises everywhere for 2 weeks after.  His name was Brian.

Fast forward to when i was 18.  I was seeing an older guy, frum but really cool.  He was in real estate .  He once took me as his date to the office Christmas party, bought me a fancy strapless dress and shoes, the whole nine.  He liked that I was presentable and able to walk in the non jewish world. 

The fact that I let him fuck me helped too.

I was serious about him.  He was a great guy.  He was frum (which I was only outwardly but..) he was funny, had a good job. etc. Even though i was really young, I thought maybe just maybe, a he could be the one. 

I told him so.  His response?  he could never be with a girl like me - I wasn't frum.  how could he bring me home to his parents?  Apparently it was ok to fuck me but not have a serious relationship with me.

His words that night hurt me more than Brian's physical abuse ever could.


  1. Not much to comment after your last few posts. Just that if there is one type of person I despise, its a user. They are the lowest of the low.
    Reading your posts has made me think a lot into my day to day actions, and think if im being who I want to be.

  2. It's good to be thinking about that. it's good to be thinking in general. I actually receive a good volume of email even though no one's commenting - but I am really writing this for me - i'm not concerned about comments in the slightest.

  3. I figured as much. Most of this material is very thought provoking, but leaves the reader sort of in silence, not knowing what to comment.

  4. I fear commenting on matters such as these for fear of offending.

  5. Don't ever be afraid to comment. I've heard it ALL before.

  6. @ LSD, I think many of the readers share that sentiment.

  7. I don't get it. Someone needs to explain that to me. But like I said before, your choice. Comment or not as you please. I'm not easily offended.

  8. How do you consider a guy Frum if he has premarital sex? That begs the question of whether "Frum" is subjective or objective. (I don't consider the guy frum.)

    How did your parents raise you that you went on the path you did?

    How would you have liked your parents to raise you?

    What would you do different for your own children?

    Do you want your children to be "Frum?"

    Where were your parents through all of this?

    To what level of your activity did they know?

    So many questions...

  9. ah......the usual complex boys can they possibly commit to the girls they bring home every night for a good time? one person very close to me actually admitted his reasoning to why he wanted to marry a beis yaakov virgin.....he said he deserved it. hah.